“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Leaders Journal | Episode 72 | Transcript “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is a familiar phrase. It’s catchy, memorable, and even evocative. But I’ve chosen it because it illustrates a DICHOTOMY — a contrast between two opposing ideas. “Don’t ask -- don’t tell” It’s Phil again, exploring with you another dichotomy — that of ego and leadership. Marcus Tulles Cicero, a renowned Roman orator, lived more than 2000 years ago. Even then there was interest in the delicate balance between ego and leadership. “We are all motivated by a keen desire for praise (ego),” Cicero observed, “... and the better a man is (leadership), the more he is inspired by glory.” Then Cicero’s contrast. 1 “The very philosophers themselves, even in those books they write in contempt of glory — inscribe their names.” Ego has been, is and always will be aligned with an individual’s sense of selfesteem or self-importance. Some strongly contend that it’s impossible to lead effectively without ego sufficient to enable one to believe that not only can he or she can make a difference — but that they can lead others to do the same. Conversely, others are just as adamant, contending that best leaders are essentially ego-less. Once again — a dichotomy. For some ego represents personal confidence, assurance, an air of certainty; while to others ego is negatively perceived as swagger, arrogance or an air of pompous bluster. © 2016 Leaders Ought To Know, LLC | PO Box 643, Princeton, KY USA 42445 | +1.270.365.1536 | leadersoughttoknow.com
Borrowing liberally from the childhood story of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears, Some leader’s egos are much too large; 2 Some leader’s egos are much too small; But the best leader’s egos are just about right. And if a leader’s ego is not “just about right,” what might be done to realign it? For the record, I’ve struggled with this problem. I think most leaders have. Twenty years ago, I was a young, highly motivated entrepreneur with a rapidly expanding business. That’s leadership! I wanted the whole world to know. That’s ego! And I decided to blow my own horn so loud that others couldn’t keep from noticing how great I was. That was ego to the Nth degree — and certainly bad. 2 But I just didn’t know that then. As embarrassing as it is to admit today, during that period, I called a man whom I respected tremendously. And I asked him to nominate me for a particular local honor. Admitting that today, now, more than two decades later, still causes me to cringe. I admit it — I was self-centered, shortsighted and stupid. So much so that I overlooked the leadership damage I was self-inflicting. Nevertheless, the gentleman did as I had asked. © 2016 Leaders Ought To Know, LLC | PO Box 643, Princeton, KY USA 42445 | +1.270.365.1536 | leadersoughttoknow.com
He nominated me for the honor, then vouched for my worthiness by adding his good name and sterling reputation. Despite his endorsement — I WAS NOT selected for the honor. And that proved to be the BEST thing that could have happened to me as a leader. 3 It ultimately forced me to take inventory of how I wanted to be viewed as a leader. As explained earlier, Cicero examined ego and leadership more than 2,000 years ago and King Solomon did the same 800 years earlier than Cicero. “Do not boast about tomorrow,” Solomon warned, “for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” Instead “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; — a stranger, and not your own lips.” And he closed with this warning, “so to seek one’s own glory is not glory.” The moral of this episode is simple. Go ahead and let your ego drive your desire and your performance but never your self-promotion. Do exceptional work as a leader! Then you won’t be ignored — you CAN’T be ignored! As a result, you’ll never have to ASK — while others will be more than happy to TELL!
© 2016 Leaders Ought To Know, LLC | PO Box 643, Princeton, KY USA 42445 | +1.270.365.1536 | leadersoughttoknow.com
