Expressions Autumn 2016 Final 1

Expressions Sands Auckland Newsletter, Autumn 2016 Note to our readers:Many of the writings featured in our newsletter a...

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Expressions Sands Auckland Newsletter, Autumn 2016 Note to our readers:Many of the writings featured in our newsletter are the personal narrative of our readers. These, in their entirety or part, may not be printed elsewhere without permission. The nature of these ‘stories’ is very personal and has not been edited, therefore the views expressed may not necessarily be those of Sands Auckland.

Contact us:[email protected] www.sandsauckland.org.nz [email protected] Find us on Facebook 0508 SANDSA (72 63 72)

Where possible we have acknowledged the original source of all material/information used in Expressions.

Welcome to the Autumn edition of Expressions. Sands Auckland hopes to offer a space for support, empathy and understanding to all who are affected by the death of a baby. All are welcome to contact us for support and information. Thank you to all those who have attended our support group and coffee group over the last few months. We are privileged to share your baby’s stories and offer a space for peer support and empathy. This is our first edition of Expressions for 2016. The new year represents resolutions, goals and hopes for the year ahead. These are all borne out of positive thinking, but for the recently bereaved this can be difficult to attain. Resolutions and goals need not be huge: getting out of bed, making it through the day, leaving the house and going for a small walk. Whatever your goals for 2016, however big or small, we wish you well. Should you need support along the way, we are always here to help you. Please feel free to share with us your goals, stories or what works for you during your grief. Readers benefit from reading such stories, and writing them can be cathartic to you in honoring your child. If you want this included in the next magazine the deadline date for these is 20th May 2016. Your Sands Auckland Committee Tania, Sara, Kelly, Dawn, Rebecca, & Linda

Dates to Note:Support Group Meetings 1st Thursday of each month 3rd March/7th April/5th May/2nd June 7.15pm – 8.45pm YMCA at Mt Albert Community & Leisure Centre 773 New North Road Mt Albert In the Garlick Room (to the left of reception desk) Parents & Whanau (adults only) Coffee Group 3rd Tuesday of each month 15th March/19th April/17th May/21st June 10.00am The Parenting Place, 300 Great South Road, Greenlane Children & Babies Welcome

Sands Auckland is a charitable entity Registration Number CC20236.

New Support Group Venue We held our first support meeting in our new venue in early February. We are pleased to report that the facilities were great and really met our needs. The venue offers safe off street parking, better security, and the room itself is much larger and brighter with direct kitchen access. Having now trialed the venue we are happy that this will be a good venue for our future meetings.

Thank you to all who support our group……. COGS Auckland City, Lotteries Grants, Nevaeh’s Nappies, and the kind individuals who have made donations & held fundraisers. We survive on grants and donations and greatly appreciate any gesture of support. If you would like to make a donation please send your cheque to us at Sands Auckland Central Inc. or visit our website for internet banking details.

YMCA at Mt Albert Community & Leisure Centre 773 New North Road Mt Albert

Sands Auckland Central P O Box 41 111, St Lukes, Auckland 1346

FUTURE WORKSHOP

We are considering running a workshop for Parents and Health Professionals in early September. This is still in the early stages so we are unable to provide any dates at this time. However please keep an eye out either on our Facebook page, our website or the next edition of Expressions for more details.

ONLINE SUPPORT If you are looking for support between meetings, are unable to attend a meeting or prefer anonymity, Sands New Zealand have online support available. Sands NZ have set up closed groups for bereaved parents nationwide. The closed groups are managed through Facebook and are only accessible by bereaved parents. The closed groups provide 24/7 support and access to other bereaved parents throughout the country. The group is moderated by Sands Committee Members to ensure a safe non-judgmental environment for people to share. Please rest assured that through the closed groups only those accepted into the group are able to see what you post. So you can be safe in the knowledge that family and friends will not have access to this. Please note posts may appear in your newsfeed but you can prevent this through adjusting your settings. Please find below the links to the closed links: Sands NZ Bereaved Parents Chat https://m.facebook.com/groups/SandsNewZealand.Bereaved.Parents Sands New Zealand Bereaved Dads Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/977708032293395/ Similar to the Bereaved Parents Chat but for men only. This group was set up after Sands New Zealand saw a need for men to have a place where they can comfortably vent their feelings and discuss what is on their mind with other men. There are no women in this group and it is moderated by Frank Rolfe of Sands NZ. Sands NZ Bereaved Parents Information

https://m.facebook.com/groups/338294973000541/

This page was set up to share information amongst Sands Members. This may be information on products or services available, upcoming Sands support meetings, publications released, news articles, etc. It is a great resource to keep up to date with what is happening as well as to share information with others.

Always in our hearts….

Ryley Forrest



4th March 2012

Grace Ann Devereaux



6th March 2001

Ella Maria May Priestley



7th March 2004

Samuel Albert Lambert Drummond



10th March 2008

Ruby Frances Rice



10th March 2009

Cate Elizabeth Fox



11th March 2007

Joseph Frederick O'Carroll



13th-16th March 2010

Harry Gray Inkersell



13th March 2006

George O'Brien



13th March 2009

Monique Sandra Powell



14th February – 15th March 2007

Paige Dale Whitehead



14th -15th March 2010

Abhitha Puthigae



13th - 16th March 2002

Emma Louise Hope



20th March 2007

Ifechi Rose Iloka



12th April 2007

Barclay Ryan, Inés Ryan



25th April 2011

Sara Esther Grace Pullen



d. 25th April 2011, b. 27th



b. 8th Jan 2015 due 29th April



d. 28th April 2006, b.30th

Preson Daya



5th May 2011

Anika van Deventer



7th May 2008

Lehel Henry Rees Bakos Serenity Caffery

April 2011 2015 April 2006

Andrew Leeson Clow



8th May 2008

Juliette Laura Kathleen Watson



8th May - 9th May 1993

Katie Gernhoefer



15th May 2007

Riley Rose-McSeveney



15th May 2007

Georgia Rose MacCarthy Staples



15th May 2013

Peanut Dodds



17th May 2007

Aroha Maggie Gloyne O'Brien



19th May 2013

Franco Voltaire Hardie-Lyne



26th May 2007

Abigail Johanna McCoy



26th May 2009

Kody Holden Wilson



21st May 2008 - 27th May

Arabella Josephine Daker



28th May 2008

Campbell McKenzie Roe



29th May 2000

Tama Patrick Taylor Reihana



8th April - 30th May 2005

2008

Grief If you are reading this having just started on your grief path, I am sincerely sorry for your loss. Grief is like a cloak we wear following the loss of a loved one. There is no ‘one size fits all’, and it can be worn in so many different ways. -

Grief cannot be measured Grief cannot be compared Everyone grieves differently Grief is a journey, not a destination

It really is difficult for people who have not been through it to understand how you feel, and what is going through your mind. They can only be there to listen to you, hear you, and hold your hand, hug and comfort you but they will never truly “get it’. This can be difficult to accept as you need your friends around you to help you through the tough times. You may find support comes from other sources and friends that you would least expect. Connecting with others who are going along the same path can help, so you don’t feel isolated. Grief is not about being sad all the time. In fact, grief can also have a positive effect in that it unites people. For me, I find reading articles of people stories a comfort together with quotes that sum up exactly how I have felt. Whilst I made it through the storm there is still the odd shower here and there, whether it be a song or listening to somebody’s pregnancy progress, someone who fortunately for them is innocent and not aware of the things that can go wrong. I was fortunate enough to have a subsequent pregnancy and living child, but it will never erase the grief. I could write paragraphs and paragraphs, however I decided instead to share some of my favourite quotes. Some maybe short, but powerful and perfect. I appreciate what works for one, may not work for another. However I hope you find your way through your own storms, and do what works for you to get you through. Sara Lane

Grief: it is not a disorder, a disease or sign of weakness. It’s an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure is to grieve. -Early Grollman-

Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves ebbing and flowing Sometimes the water is calm, sometimes it’s overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. - Vicki Harrison –

Who made the rules on how, when and where to grieve? Who put a stopwatch on grief? Who are the powers that be who said “Times up, time to move on” And left those living in loss to live in secret? - Benjamin Allen -

The following is taken from and old mans response when someone wrote a heartfelt plea that their friend had died and didn’t know what to do. “As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical things. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything….and the wave comes crashing. But in between the waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and its different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out. …the waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come and you will survive them….

“A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.” -

Franchesca Cox -

Mothers Day

Our love and thoughts go out to all bereaved Mums on Mothers Day, Sunday 8th May