STEP 2 DESIGN YOUR ENVIRONMENT
STEP 2: DESIGN YOUR ENVIRONMENT
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Give Your Fridge & Pantry a Makeover............................................ 1
Decide Not to Decide ............................................................................................1 Restock with Healthy, Delicious Foods ............................................................8 Focus on Progress, Not Perfection ...................................................................17
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Detoxify Your Home .............................................................................18
Replace Toxic Cosmetics and Personal Care Products .............................19 Replace Toxic Cleaners ......................................................................................20 Replace Toxic Foods & Drinks ........................................................................20 Replace Toxic Cookware & Storage Containers .........................................22 Drink Clean Water ...............................................................................................23 Minimize Mold .....................................................................................................25
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How to Manage Social Pressure & Resistance ............................ 28
Set Healthy Expectations ..................................................................................29 Set Healthy Boundaries ......................................................................................31 Plan Ahead for Social Gatherings ...................................................................33
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STEP 2: DESIGN YOUR ENVIRONMENT
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Give Your Fridge & Pantry a Makeover
We might not be able to control everything that goes on out in the world, but we can at least control what foods we decide to buy and which we decide to keep in our homes. In this video, I am going to walk you through how to give your refrigerator and pantry a makeover, removing the foods that cause you harm and replacing them with foods that serve your health, fuel your body, and help reprogram your genes.
DECIDE NOT TO DECIDE As we discussed in Step 1, making decisions requires energy. Willpower is a finite resource and it’s not one you should rely on when trying to change how you eat and live. And the more decisions you make, the less willpower fuel you will have left in the tank and the harder and harder it will become to make the right food choices for your body. So what should we do? As Gretchen Rubin puts it in her book Better than Before, the answer is “deciding not to decide.” Instead of having to constantly choose between eating healthy foods or unhealthy foods, we can take action to make healthy foods the only choice, or at the very least, the easier choice.
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There are three ways to do this:
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Removing danger foods from our house.
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Making healthy foods as convenient as possible.
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Making unhealthy foods as inconvenient as possible.
Clean Out the Kryptonite Before we get to the health promoting foods we recommend, let’s first get rid of the foods and ingredients that cause inflammation and damage our health. Author and entrepreneur Dave Asprey aptly calls this class of foods “kryptonite,” since they can have the same effect on we humans as the element kryptonite does on Superman. While the character of Superman and the element kryptonite are fictional, there are sadly many damaging foods found on our grocery stores shelves and in the most common food products that are not fiction. Though perhaps they should be! While we are all unique bioindividuals, and it will take some experimentation—and perhaps working with a qualified practitioner—to figure out exactly which foods serve or harm you, there are some foods that are harmful to pretty much everyone. These include:
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Refined sugars: Unrefined sugars are the forms found in nature. They come naturally come coupled with vitamins,
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minerals, fiber, etc. that help us better process and digest them. Refining these carbohydrates strips them of useful vitamins and minerals and makes them harmful on the body. Get rid of anything that contains processed sugars such as white sugar, high fructose corn syrup, agave, etc. Sugar can be found in lots and lots of packaged and processed foods, so you will need to be vigilant. Keep in mind, however, that even natural, unrefined sugars can still be problematic when consumed in excess.
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Refined grains: Steer clear of processed grains and grain products like white flour, white bread, pasta, cookies, etc., and any grains that have not been properly prepared: sprouted, soaked, or leavened. If you are sensitive to gluten, make sure to avoid gluten-containing grains whether they’re refined or not. And not only do refined grains increase risk of weight gain and diabetes, but they can also contain chlorine dioxide, a chemical used to bleach flour white. This can combine with proteins in the grain to form alloxan, which researchers use to cause diabetes in lab rats!
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Artificial and non-caloric sweeteners. Many people choose to consume zero calorie sweeteners like Splenda® and NutraSweet® instead of sugar to lose weight or manage diabetes. The problem is that these sweeteners can actually cause weight gain, and that sweet taste—even without
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calories—can trigger an insulin response. The more insulin we release on a regular basis, the harder it is to lose weight. Avoid any foods or beverages that contain saccharin, aspartame, or sugar alcohols.
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Industrial oils and fats: Though most fats are actually your friend (which we’ll discuss more in Step 4: Eat Healthy Fats), modern, industrially produced fats like vegetable oils, margarine, hydrogenated fats, trans fats, and fake fats, should be avoided at all costs. They cause inflammation in the body and are not heart healthy like we’ve been told for decades. Toss anything with canola oil, soybean oil, corn oil, safflower oil, sunflower oil, cottonseed oil, Olestra, etc.
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Processed soy products: Soy is problematic for many reasons. It contains phytoestrogens, which negatively affect hormone balance in men and women. Also, processing soybeans damages and oxidizes the fats they contain. Avoid anything that contains soy milk, soy protein, soy flour, etc. The one exception is fermented soy products like soy sauce (opt for gluten-free tamari if you are gluten-sensitive) and nattō (納豆).
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Food additives and preservatives: Most processed and packaged foods contain a variety of flavorings, colorings, preservatives, and emulsifiers that might be good for
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business, but are certainly not good for our bodies. Avoid foods that contain MSG (often camouflaged as “natural flavor” in ingredients lists), diacetyl (used in microwaveable popcorn), preservatives like BTA, BHA, benzoates, propionates, nitrates, and sulfites, emulsifiers like carrageenan, polysorbate 80, and propylene glycol, and food coloring like Red #40, Yellow #5, and Yellow #6.
See the Ingredients to Avoid cheat sheet for a handy list of foods and ingredients to keep out of your house and body.
We recommend printing this document out, going through your pantry and refrigerator, reading all the labels, and only keeping the ones that don’t contain these ingredients. You can choose to give or throw away the foods that don’t serve you. I know it feels bad to throw food in the trash, but please understand that many of these foods, especially those with highfructose corn syrup or hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils in the ingredient list should always be thrown away. These are poison and don’t serve anybody!
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Use the Strategy of Convenience for Foods You Want to Consume More Often We tend to eat what is convenient, so we should do everything we can to make eating health-promoting foods as convenient as possible. Gretchen Rubin calls this approach the “Strategy of Convenience” in her book Better than Before and she shows how even very small changes to convenience can have profound impacts on our behavior:
“People take less food when using tongs, instead of spoons, to serve themselves. In one cafeteria, when an ice-cream cooler’s lid was left open, 30 percent of diners bought ice cream, but when diners had to open the lid, only 14 percent bought ice cream, even though the ice cream was visible in both situations. Convenience shapes everything we do. When it’s convenient to spend, we spend. That’s why merchants constantly dream up new ways to make spending more convenient, with impulse items arrayed next to the checkout line, offers of easy credit, and websites that store information to make pushing the ‘buy’ button an easy, one-click habit. Hotels stock handy in-room minibars with overpriced items, and nowadays some hotels even place the items in plain sight, right on the tabletop, to make it even easier to rip open that four-dollar bag of chocolate-covered peanuts.”
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So how can we apply this in our kitchens? Here are a few suggestions:
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Batch cook on Sundays to prepare the week’s meals ahead of time. Put them into glass reusable containers so it’s easy to see what you have.
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Have healthy provisions on hand at all times. Then you can put together a quick meal anytime. See this module’s resources for a list of the ingredients we recommend.
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Have plenty of healthy snacks available.
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Have cans of wild caught tuna or sardines as emergency protein for when the fridge is running low.
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Consider joining a CSA to get a box of produce delivered right to your doorstep weekly.
See the Food Sourcing Guide in the Step 3 Resources for more about finding a CSA box provider.
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Use the Strategy of Inconvenience for Foods You Want to Eat Less Often Unless you live alone or happen to live with others that eat the same way you do, chances are good that there will be some kryptonite foods left in the house despite your best efforts to remove them. Don’t despair! You can leverage the Strategy of Inconvenience to help you avoid them. Clearly—but respectfully— communicate with members of your household how important it is for you to avoid certain foods and how helpful it would be to put them out of sight. You can perhaps choose a high shelf in the pantry you can’t see easily or a specific kitchen cabinet that you will simply decide to never open.
RESTOCK WITH HEALTHY, DELICIOUS FOODS Now that you’ve cleaned out your pantry and fridge of all the foods that don’t serve you, it’s now time to selectively add in some better options. Don’t worry about restocking with substitutes for every item you had previously. First, it’s easier on the wallet to build up a well-stocked real food pantry and fridge over time. Second, you will likely be restocking with totally different foods, and this time, you’ll likely be using your fridge much more than your pantry.
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Buy Real Food We’ll go into much more detail about real food in Step 3, but for now, the main three things to focus on at the grocery store are buying foods that fit the following three criteria:
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Buy foods with maximum nutrient-density. Don’t waste your money and damage your health buying nutrient-poor foods. Focus on nutrients, not calories. There are lots of processed, low-calorie foods out there masquerading as “health foods,” but they are anything but.
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Buy whole foods. Whenever possible, try to buy foods in their whole, unprocessed form. This means you can easily recognize them and that they only have one ingredient. Almonds, for example, are a whole food. Almond Roca®, on the other hand, is not a whole food.
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Buy food that is actually food. There are a lot of food like products in grocery stores today. One might assume that they are safe because they are the shelf, but more and more evidence is emerging showing just how detrimental a lot of processed food products can be to our health, especially over the long run, and especially in the context of general nutrient-poor diets and high-stress, sedentary lives.
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As Liz Wolfe, NTP puts it in her book Eat the Yolks:
“Seek real, nutrient-filled food as close to its natural state as possible: whole, unprocessed, unmodified, and unrefined. Support local, responsible producers. Pretend the modern supermarket doesn’t exist. Choose foods that could be hunted or gathered. Food that has always been food. Not factory-made products. Eat meat and fat from properly raised animals, eggs, and wild-caught seafood. Eat vegetables, fruits, and healthy fats from coconut, avocado, olives, and cold-pressed oils. Incorporate superfoods: fermented vegetables and beverages, homemade broth, and organ meats (if you dare). Drink water. Ditch obsessive behavior and ‘diets.’ Question conventional wisdom. Eat real food.”
Buy Food that is Healthy and Tasty When most of us hear the word “healthy” used in front of food, we automatically conjure up images of bland, unenjoyable foods that we eat out of obligation, not genuine enjoyment. If that describes you, I have some really good news. Many of the delicious, satisfying, and filling foods that you have been told to avoid for decades are actually extremely healthy and nutritious. Conversely, many of the foods that we’ve been told are good for us, are actually the very ones that cause us the most harm. So long as it
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comes from healthy animals, it turns out that delicious foods like steak and butter are actually part of a healthy diet. But eleven servings of grains a day? Not so much.
Stick to the Perimeter of the Grocery Store Big piles of marketing dollars are spent each year trying to get you to buy their processed food products. Here’s a useful constraint to help you stick to real food: shop the outside perimeter of the store, and mostly avoid the center aisles. Why? Because most grocery stores put processed foods in the middle, and fresh produce, meat, eggs, etc. on the outside. Obviously you will sometimes need to venture into the aisles to get items like cooking fats, olive oil, olives, vinegar, and so on, but these are exceptions to the guideline. As scientists like to say:
“All models are wrong, but some are useful.”
But be aware, however, of something called “product creep.” Grocery stores and food producers have caught onto the fact that many people shop the perimeter of the grocery store. So products that don’t belong there are “creeping” in to tempt you. One example is whipped cream and sponge cake next to the
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strawberries during summer time -- supposedly put there for convenience but really put there to tempt you.
Learn to Decode Labels The most important information to look at on the food package is the list of ingredients. Food manufacturers can be pretty tricky with giving foods names that sound healthy, but really aren’t. In addition, some manufacturers or industries apply labels to their own foods that make you think it’s healthy so you’ll spend money on their product. This is why it’s so crucial that we learn how to read labels. Instead of looking at the front of the box to gauge if something is healthy, look at the list of ingredients. The higher up on the list an ingredient is, the more there is of that ingredient in the food. One sneaky thing food manufacturers will do is use more than one type of sugar so that sugar isn’t listed as the first ingredient: for example, if a granola bar’s first 3 ingredients are “oats, brown rice syrup, coconut sugar”, then you know that the first ingredient is actually sugar, because brown rice syrup and coconut sugar are both sugar.
See the “Refined Sugars” section in the Ingredients to Avoid PDF for a list of common names for sugars.
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In Mira Dessy’s book The Pantry Principle, she shares seven basic rules to help you easily decode labels and stick to real food. Like all rules and guidelines, there are of course exceptions to these, but they are a good starting place and a useful heuristic to help you avoid kryptonite and stick to healthy promoting foods and ingredients:
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If you don’t know what something is, don’t eat it. For example, do you know what butyl formate is or what it does?
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If an ingredient has a number in, don’t eat it. For example, Red #40 doesn’t occur in nature and it won’t do your body any favors.
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If an ingredient has more than four syllables, don’t eat it. There are exceptions like “macadamia”, but this simple guideline will help you eliminate most processed foods.
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If you can’t pronounce an ingredient, don’t eat it. This would include words like acetaldehyde diisoamyl acetal, a long name for a synthetic flavoring.
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If an ingredient ends in the letters a-t-e, don’t e-a-t it. For example, methyl acetate. Also things like sorbates, gallates, and nitrates.
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If a food says “enriched” or “fortified,” don’t eat it. These words might sound good on the surface, but they means that the food includes synthetic forms of vitamins that are often difficult for the body to absorb and properly utilize.
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If an ingredient is in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, don’t eat it. For example, BHA, BHT, TBHQ, or EDTA are all food additives that are likely harmful to human health. And they aren’t food. In fact, BHT and BHA, in addition to preserving foods, are used to produce plastic and tires!
The bottom line is this: real food doesn’t have ingredients; real food is ingredients!
See the Food Quality Guide PDF in the Step 3 resources for more tips on deciphering food labels terms.
Trust the Label, Not the Brand Some food brands work really hard to use only high quality ingredients and source from healthy plants and animals. The problem is that smaller, health-conscious food brands are sometimes bought by big food brands that are more committed to profit margins that nutrition. Once these brands are acquired, the
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new owners will often will keep the branding but change the ingredients, opting for cheaper raw materials and chemicals that extend shelf-life, improve mouthfeel, and speed up the production process.
Stretch Your Grocery Money without Sacrificing Health Eating this way doesn’t have to break the bank. You don’t have to buy every fancy ingredient from each new recipe you try, nor do you have to restock the entirety of your fridge and pantry in one day. It’s best to build your pantry up with healthier options over time. Plus, you will save money in the long run by cooking your meals at home rather than relying on convenience foods. We can pay the farmer now, or pay the doctor later! Some ways to save money include:
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Buying ground meats instead of more expensive cuts of meat.
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Buying a grass-fed quarter or half cow with some neighbors, and storing it in a deep freezer.
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Soaking and sprouting lentils and mixing them with ground meat to “stretch” it further.
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Follow the EWG’s “Clean Fifteen” and “Dirty Dozen” lists to know which foods you should always buy organically and which you can get away with buying conventional.
See the The Clean Fifteen & The Dirty Dozen PDF in the Step 3 Resources.
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You can get cheaper produce from companies like Imperfect Produce, which will send you a weekly box of produce that isn’t “pretty” enough for the grocery stores but still tastes great, is fresh, and is full of healthy nutrients.
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Look for CSAs in your area (Community Supported Agriculture) to get a box of local, fresh produce regularly.
See the Food Sourcing Guide in the Step 3 Resources for more about finding a CSA box provider.
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Planning meals ahead of time will help you ensure that you get only the ingredients you need for the week, so you don’t have food going to waste.
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Lastly, keep a “triage box” in the fridge for food that needs to be eaten first so it doesn’t go to waste.
See the Cost Saving Guide PDF in the Step 3 resources for more tips on eating well on a budget.
FOCUS ON PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION We know this is a lot of information to take in, but we hope you are feeling more empowered than overwhelmed. Remember that the goal in all of this is progress, not perfection. If you are feeling overwhelmed, just pick one or two small food changes to focus on at first. For example, decide that this week you will change out your cooking fats with healthier options. Just get started and you will develop the change muscles needed to continue improving the quality of foods in your fridge and pantry, and the quality of information you give your genes.
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02
Detoxify Your Home
Before we get into which health-promoting foods and habits to add into your life in Step 3 and beyond, it’s critical to first remove as much kryptonite as possible from your environment. Otherwise, you will be self-sabotaging your efforts, with one foot on the gas and one on the brake. In this module, we will focus on how to detoxify your home. Nutritional detoxification will be covered in Step 8; we have intentionally saved this step for later in the course because the pathways of elimination (liver function, gallbladder function, intestinal function, kidney function, lung function, etc.) should all be optimized first before you begin a detox protocol. Otherwise, toxins might not be properly eliminated. It’s like a clogged drain; you have to remove the clog before all the dirty water can flow out of the sink. If you have a lot of conventional products in your home, there is a good chance that many of them contain chemical compounds that are less than ideal for your health. Our goal is not to instill fear, but to arm you with information. Once you know the truth, you can then make informed decisions and gradually replace potentially toxic items in your home. Knowledge is power.
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REPLACE TOXIC COSMETICS AND PERSONAL CARE PRODUCTS When it comes to toxic load, what we put on our bodies can actually be a bigger deal than what we put in them. That’s because our gut lining has evolved to be exceptionally good at blocking toxins, at least when it’s healthy (which is often not the case, but we will get to that in Step 5: Absorb What You Eat). Moreover, cosmetics and personal care products are poorly regulated, and they can contain numerous untested chemical compounds that could pose serious risks to human health, especially when added up with other environmental toxins over longer periods of time. Don’t assume something is safe or good for your health because it is on the shelf at the store; you have to be intentional and vigilant to make sure that the products you buy do not cause harm.
See the Common Household Toxins PDF for a list of toxins commonly found in cosmetics and personal care products.
See the Alternative Hygiene Products PDF for homemade cosmetics recipes and suggested brands.
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REPLACE TOXIC CLEANERS Just like cosmetics, many of the most common cleaning products harbor compounds that do not do your body any favors. After reviewing over 2,000 cleaning products, the Environmental Working Group (EWG) determined that 25% included potentially carcinogenic ingredients, 50% included ingredients not listed on the label, and 75% included ingredients that can negatively affect respiration. While you can certainly find non-toxic cleaning products to buy, the cheapest and safest bet is to just make your own.
See the Homemade Household Cleaners PDF for simple, effective, low-cost, non-toxic cleaners.
REPLACE TOXIC FOODS & DRINKS We already went over what foods to remove from your home in the last video, but just to review, here are some of the harmful ingredients and additives you want to avoid whenever possible:
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Anything with high-fructose corn syrup, which means most sodas, candy, salad dressings, sauces, etc.
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Anything with preservatives and food additives, which means pretty much all processed food.
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Anything with pesticides, especially conventional produce and all items on the EWG’s “Dirty Dozen” list.
See the The Clean Fifteen & The Dirty Dozen PDF in the Step 3 Resources.
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Anything with antibiotics, including conventionally raised meat, as opposed to organic, 100% grass-fed animals.
See the Good, Better, Best Shopping Guide in the Step 3 Resources.
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REPLACE TOXIC COOKWARE & STORAGE CONTAINERS The more you cook (and we really encourage you to cook!), the more you need to be mindful of what materials you use to prepare and store your food. There is no one perfect material, with each having their pros and cons, but in general, we recommend avoiding:
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Teflon coated pots and pans
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Aluminum or copper pots and pans
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Plastic storage containers and bags
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Plastic water bottles
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Plastic wrap
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Plastic coffee makers, French presses, and pour over drippers
Instead, try:
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Cast iron or stainless steel pots and pans
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Ceramic coated cast iron or steel pots and pans
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Glass or stainless steel storage containers
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Glass or stainless steel water bottles
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Parchment paper or beeswax wraps
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Glass French presses or ceramic pour over coffee dripper with unbleached filters
See the Foundational Cooking Tools PDF in the Step 3 resources for tips & specific product recommendations.
DRINK CLEAN WATER Since you drink it, bathe in it, and wash your clothing and dishes in it, it’s worth getting the cleanest water you can. Most tap water contains both chlorine and fluoride, chemical compounds with potentially adverse effects on your health. Given chlorine’s powerful antimicrobial effects, chlorinated water might pose threats to the beneficial bacteria in your gut and on your skin. Installing a water filter on your shower nozzle or kitchen tap is an inexpensive way to help minimize your exposure without affecting your quality of life.
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Fluoride is a much more controversial issue and a more difficult chemical compound to remove from your water. Standard water filters can remove chlorine from tap water, but to remove fluoride, you will need to get a filter that uses reverse osmosis, deionization, or activated alumina. These processes also remove beneficial minerals, so you should add sea salt or trace mineral drops before drinking. Another option is to skip tap water altogether, and buy spring water instead. It’s probably not the cheapest option, but the benefits might be worth the cost depending on the quality of your local water supply. When consuming untreated water, however, be aware that these sources are not regularly tested and can contain bacteria and other toxins. When possible, use a ceramic filter or boil water before consumption.
See the Water Filtration Systems PDF in the resources for more tips and suggested water filter brands.
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MINIMIZE MOLD Mold, and the mycotoxins they produce, are a highly underappreciated threat to human health. By some estimates, 28% percent of the population are genetically predisposed to mycotoxin sensitivity, though how your genes are expressed is largely dependent on your food, lifestyle, and environment. But right there is the problem:
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Mycotoxins are found in many of the foods we eat most today.
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Mycotoxins are more prevalent than ever thanks to antifungal agrichemicals that have led to stronger and stronger strains of fungi.
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Mycotoxins are prevalent in homes, offices, schools, and buildings that have leaky pipes or storm damage.
There are two primary types of mycotoxins to be aware of:
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aflatoxin
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ochratoxin A
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AFLATOXIN
OCHRATOXIN A
Produced By:
Aspergillus
Aspergillus ochraceus, Aspergillus carbonarius & Penicillium verrucosum
Found In:
Peanuts & Cereal Grains
Coffee & water-damaged houses and heating ducts
How to Avoid:
Don’t eat products with peanuts or cereal grains.
Choose high quality, singleorigin coffee & avoid waterdamaged buildings whenever possible.
If you are sensitive to mold, do everything you can to avoid waterdamaged buildings and mold-prone food and beverages like peanuts, wheat, corn, mushrooms, chocolate, beer, wine, and cheese. This is probably a list of many of your favorite foods, but it all comes down to choice: Do you choose temporary taste or long-term health?
To learn more about the danger of mold, watch the documentary Moldy.
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You now have a number of ways to help detoxify your home and minimize your exposure to potentially harmful substances. You don’t need to change everything at once; just pick a few that resonate with you and then make small changes over time that fit your life, budget, and schedule.
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03
How to Manage Social Pressure & Resistance
Humans evolved to be social creatures with strong bonds to our tribe. We are happiest and healthiest when we have deep connections with other people. But since our modern environment is so out of alignment with our genetic programming, living in a truly healthy way often requires going against the grain of societal norms. For many of us, this transition can lead to anger, isolation, and alienation, feelings that are definitely not conducive to optimal health. Fortunately, the choice is not between having friends and living a healthy life. With a little patience and perseverance, you can have both! In this video, I am going to share three techniques you can use to minimize frustration, ease communication, and help you can stick to your chosen lifestyle without alienating those you know and love. These include the following:
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Set healthy expectations.
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Set firm but loving boundaries.
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Plan ahead for social gatherings.
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SET HEALTHY EXPECTATIONS Don’t Wait for Permission or Approval You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to change how you eat and live. You are in the driver’s seat. Having friends and family along for the ride is great, but you don’t need passengers for this journey. You get to decide where you are going and how you will get there. And you don’t need anyone to tell you which way to turn and which road to take.
Don’t Expect Anyone Else to Change One of the most common mistakes people make when they change how they eat and live is expecting those closest to them to change, too. The truth is that nobody can ever change anyone else. We can only change ourselves. That said, often by changing our own behavior, those closest to us will subconsciously begin to change their own. So do everything you can to lead by example, but don’t make any overt judgements or comments about how others eat or live. If they do eventually make positive lifestyle changes, great, but if they don’t, respect their decisions and continue giving them unconditional love.
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Put on Your Oxygen Mask First Many folks, especially parents, feel guilty when they carve out time, energy, or money to eat right, get enough sleep, or take vacations, choosing instead to channel every second they have and every penny they earn to their children. Sacrifice is a noble thing, and we should all do our best to serve, but you can’t help anyone when your physical, psychological, and emotional health are falling apart. Just like they tell you on an airplane, you have to put on your oxygen mask before assisting others. So no, being healthy is not selfish; it is the greatest gift you can give your family, friends, community, and world.
Find or Build a New Tribe Many of the tips in this video are designed to help you better communicate and interact with your existing social circle. But sometimes it can be just as important to seek out a new tribe that better understands the new you and shares similar views on nutrition, sleep, movement, etc. Sticking to new habits is much easier when we can share struggles and successes with others who “just get it.”
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SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES Know Thyself Like we talked about at the beginning of the course, the key to personal transformation is truly knowing who you are and what you want. Just like with nutritional needs, each of us unique boundary needs. It might take some trial and error to find where your personal boundaries are, and know that these will change with time as you learn and grow.
Respect Thyself Establishing healthy boundaries requires courage, self-esteem, and self love. I’m not talking about narcissism or ego here. This is not a matter of loving yourself more than other people. But if you don’t love yourself, you can never truly love anyone else, either.
Learn to Listen to Your Intuition As psychotherapist Sarri Gilman shares in her TEDx talk and in her book Transform Your Boundaries, each of us has an inner compass that points to either “yes” or “no.” We all have profound wisdom within us when we are quiet and still enough to listen. The problem is that most of us are so busy thinking and doing that we miss the this little wise whisper and say yes to things we should
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avoid, and say no to things we should embrace. Mindfulness and meditation are both powerful ways to tune into our intuition, as are spending time in nature and taking long walks.
Tune Into Your Feelings It can be difficult sometimes to know where our boundaries are and when they’ve been crossed. One way to tell is if we start feeling resentment. This is often a red flag that a boundary has been crossed, and someone is pushing their values, expectations, views, or fears on us.
Realize it’s Their Story, Not Yours When we change how we eat and live, we will sometimes encounter resistance from those closest to us. One key reason for this is that spouses, friends, and family members can take our decision to lead a healthier lifestyle as a subtle indictment of their food choices and habits. So if anyone close to you makes judgements or snarky comments about your food choices, body, etc., realize that this is fueled by their story and they are simply projecting their own fears and pain onto you.
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Be Strong but Respectful Once you’ve established your personal boundaries and created your list of non-negotiables, don’t be afraid to enforce them. You have the power and right to say no to anything that doesn’t align with your values and goals. This “no” can be delivered with love and respect, but don’t equivocate, procrastinate, or placate. Tell the truth and stick to your guns. If someone pushes you to do something you really don’t want to do, either you have not communicated your values clearly enough, or they don’t truly respect the real you.
Start Small Like all new skills, learning to set effective boundaries takes practice, patience, and perseverance. Start small and gradually build up to larger, firmer boundaries.
PLAN AHEAD FOR SOCIAL GATHERINGS Sticking to your bioindividual nutrition and lifestyle needs during social gatherings can be especially challenging. As boxers say, “Everyone has a plan until they get hit.” And attending parties, especially holiday celebrations, means you are probably going to get hit with temptations for sugar-laden foods, and all the
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nostalgia that accompany them. Don’t rely on willpower alone; as we discussed earlier, it’s a finite resource that will eventually run out. Instead, here are some strategies to help you enjoy social gatherings without sacrificing your health.
Take a Nap Sleep deprivation can lead to poor decision making and increases our appetite for sugar. If you didn’t get a full night’s rest yesterday, consider taking a short nap before attending the event.
Avoid Alcohol Like sleep deprivation, alcohol consumption can also reduce our ability to make healthy choices and stick to our habits. I am not saying to never drink, but I am saying that it can be helpful to avoid alcohol at social gatherings where you think you will be tempted to indulge in foods that don’t serve your personal health goals.
Meditate We’ve already talked about the benefits of meditation for stress management and tuning into our intuition, but it can also be a powerful way to recenter ourselves, recommit to our boundaries, and strengthen our resolve.
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Eat Before & Bring Real Food It’s a lot easier to stick with your eating approach when you have a full stomach. If you are going to an event where you know you will be tempted to eat things you know don’t serve your body, make sure to eat a balanced meal ahead of time. It’s also a good idea to bring some health promoting, nutrient-dense snacks or treats you can enjoy at the event so you don’t feel left out.
Decide What You Will Eat Ahead of Time We are hardwired to seek approval from our peer group and nobody wants to hurt anyone’s feelings by turning down special homemade treats. So don’t wait until the moment arises to decide what you will eat and what you won’t. You may in fact decide to indulge once a year in your grandma’s special persimmon cookies even though they are not ideal for your health. But you decide this consciously, you enjoy the cookies thoroughly without guilt, and then you let them go. Regardless of what you eat and what you don’t, you are the one who makes the decision, not anyone else. Never let anyone guilt you into it. This is your body. Your life.
Be Prepared for Difficult Questions When you decide to avoid sugar, gluten, etc., you are likely to encounter questions about why. Some people might challenge
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your decision, citing a documentary or research paper. Others might be genuinely curious and want to know exactly what you’re doing and why. Either way, just be honest, present, and confident. You don’t have to justify your choices to anyone but yourself. Often the easiest explanation is just, “I eat real food because it makes me feel better.” Nobody can argue with your feelings.
Don’t Preach When we find an eating approach that transforms our health, it can be really tempting to go shout it from the rooftops. We think to ourselves, “Everybody needs to know what I know!” But please remember that we are all unique bioindividuals, and what works for us might not work for everyone. And just like many like to buy but nobody likes to be sold, many want to be healthy, but they don’t want to be lectured. If someone is genuinely curious about what you’re doing, feel free to share the details. But don’t waste your breath preaching to the non-converted. Focus on those who are ready to change. And if you walk your talk and lead by example, you just might be surprised how many people start coming to you for advice.
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