New Year’s Resolutions 2015 Oh yeah.... it’s that time of year again. I resolve to call the moments when my son disassembles the TV, radio, radiator, toaster, lawn mower, etc., to see how it works, “Invention Time” as opposed to the less than positive phrases I’ve been using. I will accept the fact that no matter how much I yell at the TV, I cannot stop that interception from happening. I will finally accept that walking for 30 minutes and sweating for an hour does NOT mean I worked out for 90 minutes. My son insists he set the table with a full formal 18-piece place setting. I will just go with it. I resolve to understand that even baby steps are still steps. I resolve to stop telling people I’m into Pilates when I really mean pancakes. I will live by our new office mantra, “You don’t have to be exhausted to be fabulous.” I resolve to stop referring to my Chinese take-out containers as the TM trademarked Tupperware .
I will stop yelling at my kids to stop yelling. I will stop falsely claiming that I have a sensory processing disorder and am feeling over-stimulated just so I can leave events if I get bored. I will pay more attention to labels to avoid costly mix-ups… like between a Tide pen and a highlighter… I resolve to stop asking that one of my child’s IEP goals be, “Become the next Bill Gates.” I will teach my children that sometimes “giving” and “sharing” are BAD. Such as, “giving” me attitude, or “sharing” their viruses (both the human and computer types). I will stop filling out behavior charts for my co-workers, demanding their compliance. I will stop lying about my son’s age (he’s only 12) on job applications for the LEGO Corporation. I realize they’re on to me.
I resolve to stop calling the IEP chair, “that woman.”
I resolve to stop making up fake excuses for why I can’t attend parties, gatherings, events, etc. just so I can spend weekends bingewatching entire series of TV shows on Netflix.
I will realize no one believes my dog hair-covered sweater is a fur coat.
I resolve to stop telling my son that if he flaps his hands any harder or faster he’ll actually take off.
I will stop writing hash marks on the calendar every time I find ANOTHER Rice Krispie on my counter, floor, under the toaster, in the coffee maker…..
I will stop posting fictitious courses on Facebook I claim I’m teaching, such as “How to Load a Dishwasher 101” because people keep showing up at my door, dropping off their husbands.
I resolve to invent cheap disposable charger cords since my kids treat them like that anyway.
I will have some fun at my son’s next IEP meeting, and submit my list of resolutions as his IEP goals.
I will learn to wake my kids with greetings like, “Good morning,” instead of, “What the heck did you spill in that sink??!”
I resolve to work on improving my attentio… oooh, chocolate.
I will stop buying stocks in whatever happens to be my son’s current obsession as I have learned he is not a good predictor of financial trends.
I resolve to stop listening to the Rocky soundtrack before every IEP meeting. I resolve to trademark a new dance called the Autism Cha-Cha (two steps forward, one step back, cha-cha-cha).
I resolve to make millions by selling my patented teeth-whitener infused coffee to Starbucks. I will acknowledge my protein bars are one molecule away from being Halloween candy. I will find a back-up storage system for the times I accidently delete my kid’s favorite show from the DVR. I resolve to run a full marathon this year. As long as I can spread it out over the entire 2015.
Written by Shelly McLaughlin, Director of Communications, Neal Lichter, Resource Center Coordinator, and Trish Kane, Director of Programs, Pathfinders for Autism © 2014 Pathfinders for Autism
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